Feeling Burnt Out

These last two weeks of school have been spent going to workshops the first half of the day and teaching the second half of the day. Now one would think that sounds like a fabulous day, but let me tell you first what my workshops have been over. Last week, I attended a workshop presented by the Jasper Police Department, Narcotics Department, and Juvenile Department. In this training, we were educated on the new drugs in Jasper and surrounding counties, what they look like and what their nicknames are called. Then, we learned about the gangs, gang signs, and common everyday symbols that are used to represent what gang you belong to (in Jasper!). We also learned about how gang members are recruiting students in the elementary grades to do their bidding. That was all in the morning...talk about an awful way to start off my day! The whole time I just kept praying. Praying for my boys, who inevitably no matter where we live, face these things that I never had to deal with. Sure there were drugs at my school, but I knew who the "druggies" were and I just stayed away from them. I had my own group of friends that hung out and I didn't have the desire to try anything crazy like that. I'm thankful that I had others praying for me to be a leader and not a follower. I don't look back on my high school years and see myself as a leader, but I do look back and see myself as marching to the beat of a different drum. :) I didn't care what others thought of me by that point...middle school yeah, but by high school I was comfortable with who I was for the most part.


Today's workshop was all about poverty. I really enjoy any kind of poverty training that I can get because it's something you see a lot of in the educational system. We looked at the differences between priorities of poverty, middle class, and wealthy class and what each class views as important. It's astounding looking at some of the differences. I know that I will never scale up to the wealthy class of society (nor do I want to) but the challenge comes when standards that are held by middle class are not standards held by students or families who are in poverty. And there in lies the struggle for teachers and educators all around the country. How do you bridge the gap? How do you teach someone who comes from generational poverty that it doesn't have to be this way? It can be different. You can make the choice to change. How do you inspire someone whose whole life is built around the system that you're trying to buck?

Those are the thoughts running through my head. It's so heart breaking to see children who have no drive. They don't want better because they don't even know anything better exists. How do I show them that there is something more out of life? And still teach the millions of things that are going to be on our new "rigorous" STAAR test? It seems like a daunting task to me right now. I know I only feel this way because I'm tired and burnt out. Usually the first two weeks of summer I don't do anything. No house work. No school work. NOTHING. Jared understands this. I'm praying Sam will also understand this. People who don't work in education don't. The fact that we get summer vacation is a luxury to them. They don't understand that in order to be effective, you have to have it. Otherwise, you just get emptied. You give so much of yourself that eventually, you've got nothing left. That's what I feel like right now....I've got nothing left to give. I'm sure after my two week sabbatical I will begin to have ideas, inspirations, and drive. But for now...I got nothing.


I'm just a little overwhelmed with all the sadness I see around my community. I don't know where I fit into it all or how I can help change it. I do know that I have a window into lives that I would never have before because I'm a teacher. The students that break my heart don't darken the doors of my church. I don't see them at the public library or at the park. I only see them at school. Nine months out of the year, they see me more than their own parents most of the time. How in the world am I going to impact them and inspire them to make choices that will change their lives forever? ESPECIALLY when looking into the future is hard enough as it is for a third grader.


Thoughts? Comments? If you're a teacher, I know you've felt this way at one point or another. How do you inspire change in your lowest students?

School's out....well almost.

Wow...can you tell it's been crazy??? I haven't blogged in awhile. Chalk it up to the end of the school year festivities. So much has been going on and will continue to go on until about the second week of June. Then...let the summer begin! This past week, Jared and I were blessed to have him preach a revival to a sweet church in Newton. What sweet folks there were out there, and such a time of revival for them and me too. God blessed our little family just as much as He did their little church family I think. It never ceases to amaze me at how good our God is. He, once again, provided for our family through the gift that the church gave to Jared for preaching. God is so good to consider us worthy to do His work. And what a joy it is to meet others who love to do the work too! This week has also been the last week of school for most of my kids. My homeroom "flexed" so they get out of school tomorrow, but I will go to school for two more weeks. Two more weeks...I keep reminding myself that every morning when my alarm goes off. After that Sam starts swimming lessons (without me!) for two weeks. Then finally....summer will be here. No place to be. No plans. Just us...and probably the lake. :) I'm looking forward to summer. Here are some of our plans:

1. Get Sam moved into his big boy bed/new room.
2. SELL OUR HOUSE (I'm praying it happens before school gets out...crunch time for me, but certainly not for my God).
3. Get Nate's nursery ready.
4. Jared & I are planning some sort of get away before Nate comes...just the two of us to relax!
5. LOTS of lake days. I love the lake....so does Sam. I'm glad bc when you're pregnant in the summer, the only thing refreshing is water. LOTS of water.

What about you? What are some of your fun summer plans?

Random Thoughts on Motherhood

I posted this picture because every time I look at it, it makes me giggle. Jared did this one night while I was gone somewhere and showed it to me when I got home. He said Sam kept saying, "baby?" Sometimes, I need to look at pictures like this to remind myself to laugh along this ride called motherhood. Right now, as we speak, I. Look. Pitiful. I'm not just saying that, it's actually true. Sam's been sick with every kind of weirdness under the sun and on Wednesday I came down with what I thought was strep, but ended up being some kind of sinus ear drainage issue. My voice was completely gone by the end of the day Wednesday so I took off Thursday. I had planned on taking Thursday off anyway to stay home with Sam, then I got sick too. Thursday my voice was worse than Wednesday so I took Friday off, too. Good grief...we've got to get our family better. However, I think we're all antibiotic-ed up so we should be getting better. Anyway, as I'm typing this, I look down at my pitiful looking self. On my shirt (that I just put on this morning) is a collection of what appears to be snot, drool, peanut butter, something white which I can't account for, and other random food particles from my child. My hair has not been out of a pony tail in I can't tell you how long, and shaving my legs??? Geez...when was the last time that happened? In our sickness and funk, I have to remind myself that this journey is a privilege. Not everyone can experience motherhood, and just this week I've been reminded of how much of a blessing it is to be a mother. Are things perfect all the time? No. Am I super mom? Nowhere close to it. Is it easy? Crap No! It's the hardest job ever. (I always heard people say that, but it's totally true.) Do I get tired? Um...yes. In fact a sick child + a sick Momma = TOTAL EXHAUSTION! BUT...I wouldn't trade it for anything. There are little things throughout the day that Sam does that makes me laugh, and I know it's God's little way of saying "Elizabeth, chill out and enjoy the journey." Like when Sam falls down, we're teaching him that it's okay. But do you know what he says? "Woah!" It's the funniest thing! Or how Sam will be going on and on in these sentences that you have no clue what he's saying so you're just shaking your head and agreeing, then he says "I uv u!" Nothing beats that feeling in the world. These are things that may seem little to outsiders, but to this Momma it's a big deal. Those are the things I have to choose to focus on. Not the fact that I've been wearing the same black sweat pants for more than two days now, or that I tore my last contact lens and am forced to wear my old crooked glasses. Those things won't matter to Sam. In fact, Jared was asking me what my favorite present was from my mom and I couldn't remember any gifts I had gotten, sorry Mom. You see, those aren't the memories I have of my childhood. I remember always getting a cookie cake on my bday...which was my favorite, but other than that I don't remember things. I remember moments, memories, lessons. That's what it's all about. Not stuff, but moments in time.

Sick Kids

I thought when Sam had his two ear infections and was vomiting and running a high fever that that was the worst. It was so sad to see his little personality hidden behind a fever and pain. Well...I was wrong. The worst is when they STILL have two ear infections, combined with awful hand foot mouth rashes all over their bodies, AND a bacterial eye infection. What gets even better is that I've been at school all day with a sore throat and voice that has completely gone away and painful ears. GREAT. Just great. Having a sick kid...who seems to be catching everything under the sun is one of the saddest things to me. Not only is it sad, but it's exhausting. Last night I sanitized all of Sam's toys, books, etc. and washed all his clothes. I didn't realize how much junk we've inherited over the last 20 months. Geez! We clean out every Christmas and Spring, but holy moly! Momma cleaned out again and got the trash bags ready!


Please just pray for my little man. He's down and I'm down. And apparently in the short 20 months that I've been a Momma, I've learned that Momma's aren't allowed to be down! It doesn't matter how sick I am, Sam still wants his Momma....which is sweet and touching, but tiring as well. So we would appreciate our family to be covered in some prayers. Jared's going out of town next week to Catalyst and that following weekend is our anniversary. I sure would love for us all to be well so that we can do something fun. I'd appreciate all the prayers.

On a side note, we heard from our realtor who has a couple wanting to look at the house. Hopefully this couple is actually going to come this time bc I'm READY for a deal!!!

Favorite Memories

I try to teach writing and inspire students to enjoy writing...in whatever forms that may be. Poems, journaling, stories, etc. Does that mean I always get every kid to love writing??? Unfortunately, no it does not. This week's writing prompt was to write about their favorite 3rd grade memory. Some of the things mentioned were parties, going to plays, skating rinks, etc. BUT...the one that stuck at the most to me was the most heart breaking to me. You see I try to teach my students with things that happen to me in real life, so that 1. they see me as a person 2. get a glimpse into a life that they might not have otherwise 3. realize that in real life reading is more than applicable. I was giving an example of how to NOT write a how to story. I explained that we had just bought a church cookbook and that I wanted to bake my favorite dessert....buttermilk pie. I explained how when following directions and giving directions you have to be very specific. I bragged about how I followed directions so well until the end. The recipe said to "cook until done". I went on and on about how I don't cook, and I had never baked a buttermilk pie before so I didn't know what "done" looked like. I went on and on about how I met a lady who was called the pie lady and she made the best buttermilk pies and how I just wanted to make a pie like hers. I went on and on about how I had to call my mom and ask how I'm supposed to know when it's done. My point was to show how writing a how to paper is important, and to be specific with your directions is important. That was it. Point done, right?


That was what one of my students wrote for her favorite 3rd grade memory. My buttermilk pie story. Really??? Of all the fun things we had done, that was her favorite. She went on to write about how she had gone home and told her mom about my buttermilk pie story and how she had wanted to try some. Her mom bought her a buttermilk pie and she loved it too. That was her favorite memory. I don't know if the end of the story is true, but the fact that she wrote about this being her favorite memory saddened me. I guess you never really know what kids are dealing with and what you say or do that they'll remember or what will matter to them the most.