Feeling Burnt Out

These last two weeks of school have been spent going to workshops the first half of the day and teaching the second half of the day. Now one would think that sounds like a fabulous day, but let me tell you first what my workshops have been over. Last week, I attended a workshop presented by the Jasper Police Department, Narcotics Department, and Juvenile Department. In this training, we were educated on the new drugs in Jasper and surrounding counties, what they look like and what their nicknames are called. Then, we learned about the gangs, gang signs, and common everyday symbols that are used to represent what gang you belong to (in Jasper!). We also learned about how gang members are recruiting students in the elementary grades to do their bidding. That was all in the morning...talk about an awful way to start off my day! The whole time I just kept praying. Praying for my boys, who inevitably no matter where we live, face these things that I never had to deal with. Sure there were drugs at my school, but I knew who the "druggies" were and I just stayed away from them. I had my own group of friends that hung out and I didn't have the desire to try anything crazy like that. I'm thankful that I had others praying for me to be a leader and not a follower. I don't look back on my high school years and see myself as a leader, but I do look back and see myself as marching to the beat of a different drum. :) I didn't care what others thought of me by that point...middle school yeah, but by high school I was comfortable with who I was for the most part.


Today's workshop was all about poverty. I really enjoy any kind of poverty training that I can get because it's something you see a lot of in the educational system. We looked at the differences between priorities of poverty, middle class, and wealthy class and what each class views as important. It's astounding looking at some of the differences. I know that I will never scale up to the wealthy class of society (nor do I want to) but the challenge comes when standards that are held by middle class are not standards held by students or families who are in poverty. And there in lies the struggle for teachers and educators all around the country. How do you bridge the gap? How do you teach someone who comes from generational poverty that it doesn't have to be this way? It can be different. You can make the choice to change. How do you inspire someone whose whole life is built around the system that you're trying to buck?

Those are the thoughts running through my head. It's so heart breaking to see children who have no drive. They don't want better because they don't even know anything better exists. How do I show them that there is something more out of life? And still teach the millions of things that are going to be on our new "rigorous" STAAR test? It seems like a daunting task to me right now. I know I only feel this way because I'm tired and burnt out. Usually the first two weeks of summer I don't do anything. No house work. No school work. NOTHING. Jared understands this. I'm praying Sam will also understand this. People who don't work in education don't. The fact that we get summer vacation is a luxury to them. They don't understand that in order to be effective, you have to have it. Otherwise, you just get emptied. You give so much of yourself that eventually, you've got nothing left. That's what I feel like right now....I've got nothing left to give. I'm sure after my two week sabbatical I will begin to have ideas, inspirations, and drive. But for now...I got nothing.


I'm just a little overwhelmed with all the sadness I see around my community. I don't know where I fit into it all or how I can help change it. I do know that I have a window into lives that I would never have before because I'm a teacher. The students that break my heart don't darken the doors of my church. I don't see them at the public library or at the park. I only see them at school. Nine months out of the year, they see me more than their own parents most of the time. How in the world am I going to impact them and inspire them to make choices that will change their lives forever? ESPECIALLY when looking into the future is hard enough as it is for a third grader.


Thoughts? Comments? If you're a teacher, I know you've felt this way at one point or another. How do you inspire change in your lowest students?