Ramblings of Insomnia

I hate nights (or rather mornings) like this. It's 3:09 am and I'm awake. Blurg. I can't sleep. I have a million things running through my head right now. Here are just a few:

1. I need to tell Jared to remember to ask the doctor about vitamins. I think I've already done this like five times, but I tend to be a little OCD about remembering these things. You see our non-picky infant is now a very picky toddler. How did that happen? I was so sure I wasn't going to let him be a picky eater like I was. So...we are doing a little improvising. Last week, Sam ate his carrots by golly. It was on a hot dog bun, but he ate them nonetheless. So we need to ask the doctor what to do to help bridge the nutritional gap.

2. School. Geez. My room is ready, but mentally I'm not. There are still procedures that I need to write down to practice so that I can remember to do them on Monday! I just don't feel like I've done everything. I feel like there's something HUGE I'm forgetting, but I just can't remember it. And then at the very last minute I'll remember. That's never how my year begins....EVER! So I'm just hoping that it's just the nerves of a new room, new group, and new curriculum (which is really good stuff btw).

3. I need to start working out again. I need to lay off the caffeine (yikes). I wonder when I can walk...before school? After school? I know I'm going to be exhausted, but I need to find the time to do it. Maybe I could get up at 5 and do it. This ramble went on for hours in my mind. My conclusion is to try and wake up at 5, walk for 30 minutes, then leave the house by 6:3o. That is so early, but I like to get to school early when it's calm and quiet. I also like to leave pretty early since there's only so much time to be with Sam before he goes to bed. Which leads into my next point...

4. Sam is STILL not walking! I'm trying not to worry about this, but Satan is having a field day with my mind. I think, as educators at least, we see TOO much. I've seen kids who've come from homes that weren't challenged, where learning wasn't encouraged. So now, I've got this fear in the back of my mind that I don't want Sam to be like that. That's not necessarily a bad thing, until I make it one. I want him to hit every developmental milestone on time, maybe even early! Now that I'm working with GT, I've been searching for signs of giftedness! Good grief! I forget that he is only one (yes that still makes me sad to say). I forget about all the things he IS doing like joking and playing around with us, or being such a problem solver. It's fun to just sit back and watch him figure something out. He really gets it a lot quicker than I would think. Sam starts going to a baby sitter on Monday. She's a friend of ours, but it's still scary since he'll be around other kids. I'm hoping that will help motivate him to walk. But I'm also scared. If you've read my blog at all, you might pick up on the fact that I'm a little control freak. I like to have everything organized, categorized, and even labeled! That's how it is in my brain and in real life sometimes. :) But now that Sam will be with other kids, there's a lot that he will learn that is out of my control (good or bad). I have to admit, that makes me a little nervous. But I know that this is only the beginning. We live in a world that doesn't honor God. There are things that Sam will see and hear that we are going to have to explain and then teach the opposite of. Ready or not, here it comes! I guess I just thought it wouldn't be happening this soon, but it is.

So I guess that's not really THAT much on my mind, right? Haha. I know that the Lord has got us right where he wants. And I also know that He is going to take care of us. I just have to remind my OCD, control freak, type A personality of that sometimes. Blogging helps me to do that. Something about writing (or typing rather) helps put things into perspective. Thank you blogger friends for letting me be real and honest with you about the dealings of my life... big and small. My hope is that something we're dealing with in our family may encourage you. Be blessed.

~Elizabeth

A Godly Teacher

Even though I moan and groan worse than anyone when the alarm goes off in the morning, and I have a million things that I want to do in my classroom...I'm very excited about school starting. I'm ready for Sam to meet friends to play with while I'm working and I'm thankful for the opportunities we have because I work. With that being said, my heart is always heavy at the beginning of each year. This year, even more so. It's a new year, new classroom, new curriculum, new partner, and new children coming through my door. We had a staff development today that focused on children with poverty, which is something that I face at my school. One of the things he said struck a cord in me and my heart's been broken ever since. He spoke a lot about the "voice" you use with your students. Parent (yelling/telling) voice, Child (whining) voice, and Adult (asking) voice. When we yell at students they will either yell back (take the role of parent) or whine (take the role of child). Instead we ought to take the adult voice which speaks calmly to a child and helps them problem solve instead of telling them what to do. This goes back to something Jared mentioned in church about not wanting to do something just because someone else "said so". That's a whole other blog, but he also said that we need to teach children how to vocalize their feelings. Instead of saying "that sucks" about getting homework, encourage children to explain what that means. Do they have baseball practice, are they mad, do they not have time? Are they taking care of siblings when they get home? Do they even have a pencil at home?

Those two questions left this awful feeling inside me. Why? Because my only job growing up was to not leave empty milk glasses in my room and to not leave gum in my pants before they went in the wash. And if I needed school supplies I knew exactly where to find them....in my dad's bathroom cabinet (it's a really big cabinet) or in the washroom cabinet. There I would find pencils, pens, notebook paper, and folders of all colors that my dad had bought on sale that we would eventually need at some point throughout the year or the next year. Even if there weren't pencils there, I could always look in a drawer in the kitchen or something.

Not having basic necessities was never an issue or concern in my life....ever. Since becoming an adult (scary, I know), wife, teacher, and mother I have since learned that my childhood was extremely blessed. I always knew this, but have been getting gentle reminders about this lately. It is unfathomable to me how someone could not find a pencil at home! I've had students tell me that's why they didn't do their homework! SERIOUSLY! A part of me wants to say, you might as well tell me "your dog ate your homework", but the other part of me...the part that listens to the gentle, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit speaking to me, knows that unfortunately that may be true.

My prayer this year is that God would open my eyes to the needs of my students, both in my class and around me. And that I would have compassion for these children and their families. And that when I see a need, I would fill it. Not just pray for them, but try and meet their needs...physical, spiritual, emotional...whatever.

I pray that you (whoever you are) begin to pray for teachers that are beginning their school year. Pray that they would love their students like Jesus. And that they would have compassion and love towards all who they come in contact with. No matter what the state of the educational system is in, my heart is for kids. No test, budget cut, or bond issue can change that.

Sam's 1st Birthday Party/Bash/Extravaganza/BBQ/Water Day/Hottest Day of the Year!

I guess it could've been worse, right?
Cake and cupcakes

Sam's Power Wheels he got from Nana and Paw Paw Mel

Family picture with the birthday boy. Notice the dirt all over me and him.

Sam's birthday bash was a HUGE success. It really was a great day that was all about him. That's what I wanted it to be. Christmas is about Jesus' birthday, and we want Sam to always remember that. But Sam's birthday is for him. It's the day that we celebrate him, but we wanted him to know how much he's loved! There were about 50 people there all to share in his special day. It was tiring getting everything together, but in the end it was such a fun time. And...I'm already thinking about next year. :)

12 Things I Love About You!

I can't believe that Sam is a year old today! Seriously...I want time to slow down like it did when I was growing up. Way back then (he he) time seemed to stand still. It seemed as if I would never get my license or graduate high school or even college. Now it just flies by. Today has been a tough day, but not because Sam turned one today. I surprisingly held it together most of the day. Last night Sam was up screaming most of the night. That is not like him at all. He has NEVER done that before....ever. He's always a good little sleeper and goes to bed on his own. We've worked hard for that. But when a baby is sick...it doesn't matter what they're used to, because they just don't feel good. That was Sam last night/this morning. We took him to the doctor and he had 101.6 with an ear infection. Great. On his birthday my poor little baby gets sick. He's been acting better though so hopefully the medicine he's on will help. After the doctor's appointment we got Sam's first haircut, picked up his birthday cake and pictures and headed home. Other than screaming all night, Sam's had a pretty relaxing birthday. Tomorrow the festivities start...I can't wait! I know Sam will have a blast just getting to see everyone and chow down on some cake. He does love the cake we found out! So in honor of Sam's 12 months of life, I decided to post some of the things I love about Sam.

1. I love your smile.
2. I love the way you entertain yourself while no one's watching.
3. Your gut laugh that you only share with a few people.
4. I love the way you ham it up for people. It brings so much joy into their lives.
5. I love that you only want me when you're sick. It makes my heart so joyful.
6. The way you say "mama" or "Dada" whenever you're looking for us.
7. Your point. If you've been around Sam at all, you've seen "the point".
8. Your very selective kisses that you only give to momma when you're really sleepy.
9. When you lay your head on my shoulder just for a hug.
10. I love how you teach me so much about the kind of mother I need to be.
11. I love how you teach me how much God loves us, how He is so faithful, and how He is true to His Word.
12. I love you for being you. Stubborn, silly, sick...whatever. "I love you through and through."

On Call

It's almost midnight and I'm waiting on Jared to get home from a hospital visit in Beaumont. For those of you who think pastors only work on Wednesdays and Sundays....that's not true. Pastors are on call 24/7. I'm thankful for my husband and the ministry that we're apart of and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But while I'm waiting, I can't sleep. There's so much going around in my head.

1. I worked in my classroom today for a while. I haven't been up there all summer, mostly b/c it's impossible to take Sam with me (and I wouldn't want him there anyway...yuck). Today I began the daunting task of unpacking all my boxes. I moved rooms this year so my stuff had been moved already, but my room is far from being set up. I got everything unpacked, but still need to decorate. Then Lindsay and I headed to Manning's in Beaumont. I sure hyped that place up for her. Unfortunately, they had everything I was looking for and nothing for her. I did use my coupon to save 15%, which I was SUPER excited about. I'm trying to use coupons and trying some money saving tips.

2. My sister had her baby last night. I'm not there, I've only talked to her briefly this morning, and I've only seen a picture. That makes me very sad. And airline tickets have gone up...again.

3. I'm still struggling with this whole new season of life thing. I know it's stupid...it really is. But I feel like I'm no longer able to be spontaneous and fun anymore. I feel old.

4. In a week Sam will be one year old. How did this happen? How could he grow up so fast right before my very eyes? And what is going on with the new stubborn phase? Is he going to be like this forever? How do I make him stop doing this? Is he teething again? And the questions go on and on and on.

This is what my nights have been like for the past few weeks. Laying in bed thinking of any of the previous four points and sometimes even more things. Then I have to stop myself and realize that all I'm doing is worrying and being anxious, which goes against what God's Word tells me.

"Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

That's when I realize that I haven't given anything to the Lord. I haven't given Him my thoughts, my worries, my anxieties, nothing. I've kept them all to myself, and look where it has gotten me. No better than I was before. So now I'm off to bed. To give God my heart so that He can give me His peace and rest.

Thank you Lord for Your Word and Your promises. Thank you that we have your Word that "does not return void."

Tweens

Yesterday I spent the day shopping with my mom. I had decided to call her up and on a whim drive to Beaumont and go shopping with her. We're taking our final family pictures at the lake and I wanted to find a white shirt. Yes, a white shirt. 6 hours later, I came home with a white shirt for Sam and a white shirt for Jared, but no white shirt for me. After a lot of walking around I decided that I think I'm in this awkward stage right now. I'm not a teenager anymore (and I don't want to be one of those people who still tries to dress like one...you know them), but I'm not 50 either (not that 50 is bad, I'm just not there yet). They have stores for "tweens"....girls that are not kids but not quite ready for teenager clothes. Why don't they have that for twenty somethings? My friend Jessica said they do...it's called the "misses" section. But even there I couldn't find anything I like. I was frustrated and the whole way home I kept thinking how I'm leaving a phase of my life behind me. I am no longer young and in my twenties...footloose and fancy free. I'm 25, married, and about to have a 1 year old. Those are two different seasons of life. Although a part of me was kinda sad at this realization, a part of me was really happy. I love my life. I may not be able to be that spontaneous anymore, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love Jared and Sam and the life that we have together. We have great families and friends and our life seems so much more rich. Not literally....who has a kid for the money? Really? Maybe I should say fulfilling. That sounds better. When I think back on days of dating guys and shopping and going out on the town it just seems so pointless. Not that I was a party girl at all, but it just seems like a waste of time. Even though sometimes I feel like I'm an old lady now...if you knew the doctors I've been to you'd know how old I feel....I'm thankful for the season of life that I'm in.

And as much as it pains me to say this: I would even be okay with a minivan. Okay...well...maybe a suburban or something. Baby steps...