Swimming Lessons

Today was our first day of mommy and me swimming lessons. I was a little anxious simply because it was something new. I didn't know what to expect, who would be there, and the only things I heard about it were that all the babies cried because they got dunked underwater. Geez... We got there early, because it's forever etched in my brain that early is on time, on time is late, and late is dead. I somehow remember that banner hanging up in our band hall. I wasn't even in band but I remember that sign. Anyway, I was afraid lessons would be canceled since it had rained all day, but they were on. After everyone gets there it's time to get in. There were only about 5 other moms and babies so it wasn't too bad, but all the other babies looked a lot older than Sam. Most of them were walking. I immediately did the thing you're NEVER supposed to do as a mother...I started comparing Sam to the other babies. I watched to see how they handled being in the water, how they kicked their legs (which Sam couldn't do), how they floated on their backs (which Sam hated and screamed the whole time)...you get the picture. I left there with a lump in my throat and all the insecurities in the world popping in my mind. What if Sam is developmentally behind? What if we're too protective? What if we're not exposing him to enough? And the what ifs kept going on and on and on. I have come to realize since becoming a mother that my insecurities haven't gone away, they've only doubled. I now worry about doing the right thing for Sam and if I'm being a good mom. I have also come to realize a few things about myself in the process. 1. I am not a huge social butterfly. I have a few very close friends that I can share anything with, but not a mass amount of friends. I used to think that that was wrong, but now I'm realizing that that's just who I am. 2. Satan certainly knows my weaknesses, but it's my choice that's going to allow him to fill me with self doubt. God is so much bigger than my insecurities. 3. The only way I can or ever will be a good mother is by God's grace alone. Leaving it up to me is too big of a gamble for me to play. I know that God's wisdom is perfect and He alone can give me what I need to give to Sam.

So even though day 1 of swim lessons was quite full of anxiety, I'm confident that tomorrow will be better, that's a fact. :)

~Elizabeth