Replay

Replay is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Replay is what I do when I want and should be sleeping. Replay is when I say the things that I never have the guts to say in real life, and its what keeps my mouth shut. Last night and well into the morning hours replay was going on in my head...again. Replay is what my brain does when I want to go to sleep and can't. My brain replays the events of the day over and over. I think about what was said and done, what I should or shouldn't have said and done, and maybe even what I would do differently had I actually been given the opportunity to do it all over again. It's really quite exhausting, but at the same time refreshing. On the one hand, I'd rather be sleeping...seriously. On the other hand, it's a good time of personal reflection. I learn from experience...sadly. Far too often I stick my foot into my mouth instead of taking the time to actually think before I speak. But a lot of times (in my replay) I say things that I couldn't, shouldn't, or wouldn't say in real life. One of the best pieces of advice I recieved shortly after becoming a pastor's wife was, "You can't fight your husbands battles for him. That's the Lord's job." Very true. However, in my replay time...I'm a fighting warrior! I speak my mind and tell it like it is. In reality, that NEVER happens. Some would say I'm passive to a fault...I don't think so, but some would. During my replay last night I realized something...or rather the Lord showed me something. I so badly want to fight battles and defend my husband's honor at times, but I shouldn't...and can't. Though my intentions are good and downright noble I think...that's not my job. The Lord is his defender, and for me to step in on the Lord just goes to show my impatience. Grr...sometimes feeling conviction is so...hard. I might be the most impatient person in the world. I certainly know the areas that I need to work on with the Lord's help...it's patience. That's the hardest thing in the world to have you know? I have to realize that the Lord will defend HIS people who are doing HIS work in HIS OWN TIMING! For me to step in is telling the Lord, once again, that I can do a better job at running our lives than He can...and He certainly can handle it, and I can't.

I don't know who all reads our blog...but I bet at least one other person reading this does a replay like I do. I want to encourage you to see your replay moments as times when the Lord is trying to tell you something. Unfortunately I'm afraid the only time I am quiet and still enough to listen is when I'm trying to go to sleep.

Lord, help me to be still and listen. I know I can't do anything of worth without Your help and guidance. I need You, Jesus.

May you have a replay tonight.
~Elizabeth