Pondering Moments

So life, believe it or not, is starting to get back to normal for us. Now that things are starting to get on somewhat of a predictable routine, I've tried to get back to reading again. Notice I said tried. Now everyone knows that I'm not a big reader...it's no secret. Before I had Sam I would always tell Jared, "Reading makes me sleepy" or "Reading makes my eyes hurt". He would just laugh and say it's because I wasn't used to reading a lot. He can sit for hours on end and read...he does it. He actually reads for enjoyment not just for personal growth. Crazy, I know. Since having Sam, it's been a whole new level of tired....I just thought reading made me sleepy. Now I'm working on it, but I thought I would share some pondering moments that I've had since beginning my reading adventures again. BTW...I'm still reading The Shack and The Principle of the Path..both very good books, but the chapters are SOOO long! I know I'm probably putting myself to shame by airing out my dirty laundry so to speak, but hey...what's the point of blogging if you can't be honest with yourself? Right? So I was reading The Principle of the Path yesterday when BAM!!! It hit me. You know what I'm talking about right? One of those "Ohhhh...I get it" moments. I love those as a teacher. It amazes me how God can give you those moments and everything just kinda comes into somewhat of a new perspective. The whole premise of the book, if you haven't read it, is pretty much that the choices you make determine where you end up. Not bad luck, kharma, God, or whatever else you tell yourself. Choices. The choices you make put you on a path. And that path gets you to a destination. The path, not your intentions, get you there. You don't just wind up bankrupt one day by accident. There were choices you made that got you there. You don't just end up cheating on your spouse by accident. There were choices you made that got you there. Get it? It's all very self explanatory at the core, but so very hard to realize in the moment. Unfortunately, once we've realized we're on a path we don't like sometimes it takes years away from our lives to get us back to where we want to be. Years that have produced heartache, years that cannot be given back. So then the question is: How do we decide on the choices we need to make BEFORE we go down a path that we don't want to, thus ending up at a destination that we never intended to be? Hmm...that's tough isn't it? It's hard to stop and think about every choice you need to make before you make it, isn't it? It is for me at least. I tend to just rush into a lot of decisions and then think about them later. Not good my friends, not good. Here's the kicker..here's what really is the "ohhh...I get it" word. Submission. Yep. I said it. Submission. When you make decisions in your life, who are you going to submit to? Your own will or God's? You've got to trust that God's will, His perfect and divine will, is better than our own ideas about what we think should happen. But then we go back to another question..who do you trust more? When we trust in our own ideas, plans, will...whatever..it's like we're telling God..."Hey, I can take it from here. I got this. I don't need you." Yikes. I know I need God, but I'm afraid that I've said that to God far too many times. "God, I know you said this, but this is what I really want."

I really feel like I'm dealing with all of this so much right now. This whole idea of trust and submission is just stinkin' hard. Let's be honest. We like to do things our own way. We don't want anyone telling us what to do...even God sometimes. It's very easy to justify things in our own heads to defend the choices we make. For example, I would love to be able to stay home with Sam until he starts preschool, but that's not God telling me to do it, it's me just wanting to be home and not at school. In my head I have all my reasons to justify the decision, but at the end of the day when I really get real with God, I know what He wants me to do. He wants me to go back to school in 5 weeks. He wants me to love my kids at school like Jesus. He wants me to be able to help provide for my family so that we can bless others with what He's given us. He wants me to make wise choices. These choices all revolve around submission. Am I going to choose to submit my own will to God or to myself? My head says God, but my heart still has a long way to go. The whole point is to examine the choices we make in life, BEFORE we make them, and ask yourself this question: "Is this the wise thing for me to do right now?" Sometimes, making the wise choice isn't easy or fun. It certainly doesn't give you that warm fuzzy feeling either. Sometimes, you don't even see "results" until way later down the road, but I'd rather end up at a destination that I know God wants me at then a path that He doesn't want me at...even if it does take years to get there. I'd rather be able to work so that I can help save money for my son's college (which is insane to even think about at this point). That's a wise choice that God and I have made together. It's not easy, but I'm submitting to God and choosing to make choices that put me on a path that lead to a destination that is where I know God wants me to be.

Through dirty diapers and spit up, God is still in the business of speaking. I'm so thankful for that. Even in the midst of all that goes on throughout the day at the Hollier household, God is still moving and speaking.

Thank you, Lord.

~Elizabeth