A Change of Perspective

1. I love my husband. He is insightful and encouraging and a wonderful provider for our family.

2. I've been in a funk lately. Since coming home from the hospital, the thought of going back to work has literally made me sick to my stomach. I can't even think about it without bursting into tears. This happened with Sam too, but I remember the closer it got to my return to work the more excited I got. Not so this go round folks. Not so. This week we sat down to really look at the option of me not going back to work...and it just can't work. We would be in the negative before we even accounted for gas and groceries. Upon hearing these cold hard facts, I again burst into tears. You see...this time I know how fast time goes. Sam is already in preschool and I love picking him up everyday. I love our little predictable routine with school, lunch, snacks, puzzles, etc. I love everything about my days...even the dirty diapers and throw up. And to think that I'm going to miss it all in just three short weeks is devastating.

But my wonderful husband helped me to put things into perspective last night. Instead of looking at it like I "have to" work, it's more like I'm helping support our family. We do a lot of fun things, and if I didn't work those things wouldn't be possible. I love having family pictures taken by an amazing photographer friend, we like taking mini-trips over spring break with the kiddos, I enjoy being able to buy birthday presents for friends, and even though I don't enjoy running out of propane (which happens every winter) or having to repair the lawn mower, those things happen and if I didn't work those things would have to be charged.

Something else Jared reminded me of was not just what my income helps to provide for our family but for others. We have a Compassion child that we support, we like to give to different ministries in and around the area, and when a need arises we like to be able to help when we can. Those things aren't possible if I didn't work.

So here's to a new perspective. I'm thankful for a wonderful husband who reminds me of the positive things that can come out of things that seem sad to me. I don't know if things will always be like this...I certainly feel God's calling for me to stay at home, but for now it's not in the cards. Hopefully it will be, but for now...I'm okay with it.