Ramblings from a new mommy of 2

WARNING: The days after giving birth are filled with a whirlwind of emotions combined with hormones and lack of sleep. So the ramblings below will only testify to the fact that I may seem a little crazy right now. Believe me....I know. I can't even speak to my husband without sobbing. My poor two year old just stares at me and says "hey momma!" in the biggest grin. That can cure any hormonal meltdown.



Let me say this...I "thought" I knew what it would be like bringing Nate home. Jared and I had talked for months now about how excited we were to meet Nate and to see him grow and play with Sam. We even told ourselves to expect him to be different from Sam...you know every kid is different from their sibling. They all have their own little personalities and we were so excited to find out what Nate's little personality was going to be like. That being said, let's rewind to two years ago almost to the day. We brought Sam home and just like in the hospital he woke to feed faithfully every 4 hours. Yes. I'm serious. Every 4 hours. For those of you who don't know...that's amazing. We were able to get 4 hour stretches of sleep. People told me to "sleep when the baby sleeps" and things like that but I honestly never did. I felt rested and thought to myself...I can do this. I loved loved loved being at home with him and it was the hardest thing to go back to school. That being said, let's fast forward two years to present day. We brought Nate home and he woke up every 2 hours to feed. Every 2 hours! Sometimes he could make it to 2 1/2 but most of the time it was a stretch to make it to 2. So needless to say, Jared and I were both exhausted out of our minds. I had been put on bed rest about a week and a half before so Jared had literally been doing everything around the house. While in the hospital, it was a harder recovery than with Sam. I felt like I had a heavier dose of the spinal epidural and it took me forever to regain feeling in my legs. It also meant that I had uncontrollable itching (which I had with Sam but not near as bad), which they in turn gave me medicine for, which in turn made me sleepy, which in turn made me feel like a zombie. The recovery process is still a long process. I'm still not able to sit up on my own, which makes for getting out of bed very difficult. I say all of this because everything this go round has been DIFFERENT. If you know me at all, you know one thing. I like stability. I like constant. I do not like CHANGE. I had thought I had prepared myself for another little baby. I thought I was ready. Boy, was I wrong. Nothing can prepare you for a baby. Whether it's one or more than one.


As I was sitting in the recliner yesterday morning, it hit me. There are literally millions of people who would give anything to feel what I'm feeling. Even though I'm overwhelmed and scared and nervous and all of those new mommy feelings all over again. I sat there and just prayed. Prayed over my boys that they would be blessed with a long life and that I would be blessed to be around for it all. I don't know if other people think this way, but I have the most awful fears of dying before I get to see my children grow up or even worse that they die before that time comes. I can't even begin to think about that without mentally and emotionally freaking out and falling on my knees in prayer. So even though things are different and it will take a while to get adjusted, I'm so thankful for the blessing that God has given us. Nate is such a sweet boy already. He's going to be tough because his big brother is already ready to wrestle with him. I pray more than anything, that he would love and serve the Lord and that he would live a life worthy of God's calling. Anything beyond that is just extra blessings from God.



So there you have it...some jumbled up thoughts going through my head. Please don't think that I'm complaining because I'm not. Blogging for me is an outlet. It's a tool that God uses to reveal things about myself and Himself. Putting things out there in cyber world and even just typing them helps me realize more about myself (good & bad) than most other things so please be understanding of that.


Hopefully the next post will be more coherent and clear. But for now...this is what we get.

~Elizabeth