Lessons learned along the way

Let me just say this first...I love being a mommy.  I do.  It's the most rewarding experience ever, and I'm incredibly thankful that God has given us TWO amazing blessings.

BUT....since having children my insecurity level has skyrocketed!  Before I used to be insecure about my body or my hair or something like that, but nothing makes you more insecure than other mommies who have kids the same age as your own kids.  Why is that?  You hear it all the time that every kid is different and that they learn at their own pace, but why is it when your kid seems to be the one behind you freak out inside.  Am I doing enough?  I'm not spending enough time with them.  I should provide some crafty activity to help my child learn his stinking colors, right?  Why can't he get them...we've been doing colors for FOREVER!!!! And he's 28 months and still not using the potty.  Other kids are already totally potty trained. It must be because I work full time and have a crazy life.  We're never home, maybe that's it.  Okay, that's it!  I'm quitting my job and losing all socialization so that my child will finally learn his colors and pee in that stupid potty!!!!  (Obviously an exaggeration though I will admit to thinking these things)  And don't get me started on the second one.  I'm determined that he will have just as many pictures as Sam and he will be read to and talked to just as much as Sam did...even though I'm running ragged doing potty training business.  And the thoughts go on and on and on.


I know that people blog and post about their children because they're proud of their achievements.  I've even done that a time or two.  But sometimes I feel like it's just a mommy competition.  Almost like a prize that you're a great mom and that you can get your kid to read by age 2 because you're awesome and I'm not.  I'm human.  I'm exhausted.  I teach other people's children all day and when I come home, I want to love on my boys not be teacher to them, too.  Is that wrong?  Maybe.  I don't know.  I love teaching Sam...I just don't want to feel like I'm constantly quizzing and teaching him to make sure he's ABOVE where he needs to be because so and so's kid can do this. 

I'm being brutally honest, because that's how I feel.  There are days when I feel like a great mom.  Sam will say something or do something that is so sweet.  His prayers are about the sweetest things ever. And Nate is already doing things before Sam did, which makes me super proud that he's getting challenged even with a crazy brother running around keeping us busy. But then, I read someone's blog.  Their baby is potty trained and reading paragraphs.  Their 4 month old is already sitting up by themselves.  Maybe I should just blog and refuse to read others blogs, facebook, etc.

Is it just me or is this a "normal" mom struggle???  I'm praying DAILY that God would make me secure in HIM.  Not in my uncool hairstyle or my son who refuses to potty in the awesome potty chair we have for him or my 4 month old whose not sitting up yet or my awesome husband who is doing all our holiday baking while I recuperate from a bum toe.  I've always struggled with being insecure...since childhood.  I thought this would get better but apparently the struggles of a child (if not dealt with) only turn into the struggles of an adult.  And adult sized struggles can really get to you.


So here's to this momma becoming a less media involved, others focused momma and becoming a more God focused, family focused momma.  :)