Thursday, December 22, 2011

Lessons learned along the way

Let me just say this first...I love being a mommy.  I do.  It's the most rewarding experience ever, and I'm incredibly thankful that God has given us TWO amazing blessings.

BUT....since having children my insecurity level has skyrocketed!  Before I used to be insecure about my body or my hair or something like that, but nothing makes you more insecure than other mommies who have kids the same age as your own kids.  Why is that?  You hear it all the time that every kid is different and that they learn at their own pace, but why is it when your kid seems to be the one behind you freak out inside.  Am I doing enough?  I'm not spending enough time with them.  I should provide some crafty activity to help my child learn his stinking colors, right?  Why can't he get them...we've been doing colors for FOREVER!!!! And he's 28 months and still not using the potty.  Other kids are already totally potty trained. It must be because I work full time and have a crazy life.  We're never home, maybe that's it.  Okay, that's it!  I'm quitting my job and losing all socialization so that my child will finally learn his colors and pee in that stupid potty!!!!  (Obviously an exaggeration though I will admit to thinking these things)  And don't get me started on the second one.  I'm determined that he will have just as many pictures as Sam and he will be read to and talked to just as much as Sam did...even though I'm running ragged doing potty training business.  And the thoughts go on and on and on.


I know that people blog and post about their children because they're proud of their achievements.  I've even done that a time or two.  But sometimes I feel like it's just a mommy competition.  Almost like a prize that you're a great mom and that you can get your kid to read by age 2 because you're awesome and I'm not.  I'm human.  I'm exhausted.  I teach other people's children all day and when I come home, I want to love on my boys not be teacher to them, too.  Is that wrong?  Maybe.  I don't know.  I love teaching Sam...I just don't want to feel like I'm constantly quizzing and teaching him to make sure he's ABOVE where he needs to be because so and so's kid can do this. 

I'm being brutally honest, because that's how I feel.  There are days when I feel like a great mom.  Sam will say something or do something that is so sweet.  His prayers are about the sweetest things ever. And Nate is already doing things before Sam did, which makes me super proud that he's getting challenged even with a crazy brother running around keeping us busy. But then, I read someone's blog.  Their baby is potty trained and reading paragraphs.  Their 4 month old is already sitting up by themselves.  Maybe I should just blog and refuse to read others blogs, facebook, etc.

Is it just me or is this a "normal" mom struggle???  I'm praying DAILY that God would make me secure in HIM.  Not in my uncool hairstyle or my son who refuses to potty in the awesome potty chair we have for him or my 4 month old whose not sitting up yet or my awesome husband who is doing all our holiday baking while I recuperate from a bum toe.  I've always struggled with being insecure...since childhood.  I thought this would get better but apparently the struggles of a child (if not dealt with) only turn into the struggles of an adult.  And adult sized struggles can really get to you.


So here's to this momma becoming a less media involved, others focused momma and becoming a more God focused, family focused momma.  :)



4 comments:

  1. Don't worry liz! I reached the point in potty training Connor where I was frustrated and decided I was done! I left him alone and the little stinker potty trained himself. It is something that will happen when it happens. Then take Payton, crawled late, pulled up late, and walked months later than all of the rest of them. Sometimes these kids are just stubborn. It is something that is inherited from the Bailey side of the family and there is nothing you can do about it! I am having to learn that I can only do my best and they will do stuff with or without me!

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  2. The funny thing about other mommas blogs is that they only share the "good stuff." on my blog I share about how Colin is learning to read and Carley is so happy and well behaved. I don't talk as much about how my son has his hand down his pants every 10 seconds and my daughter didn't walk until 16 months old! I don't think you are any more insecure than the next momma. You just don't hide it and that makes for others seeing god work in you instead of a "perfect momma" to compare themselves to.

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  3. I don't feel like you are alone at ALL in feeling this way! Totally normal!

    You are so right. "Every kid develops at his or her own pace." But I also think that this quote is best served for the mamas whose kids are above and beyond every one else's because I don't care who you are - you're going to stress out about your own child's achievements!

    That said, I think that your boys are doing fantastic and that you and Jared are such great parents! God wants us to learn to lean on Him, and sometimes He teaches us those truths through our successes, but sometimes it's through our shortcomings (which seems to be all the time for me!). Like you, I had all these grand plans for this Christmas, and they got bigger and bigger (with Pinterest) and then... I got sick. Busy. Worn out. Everything I have done this year has been just a fraction of what I wanted to do. You know what? I think God is just telling me to chill. I'm tired of competing. I just want to enjoy myself and enjoy my family. :)

    You are fantastic. Your kids are wonderful. You just need to enjoy yourself and tell your husband to keep on baking!

    Love you!

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  4. Elizabeth, I cried the whole time I was reading this, because I feel the same way a lot of the time! Oh how I feel like I have failed my child in some way because she's not as "advanced" and stimulated as other kids her age seem to be...I feel this insecurity all the time. Am I the only mom who struggles with potty-training and toddler tantrums?! Thanks for being transparent, and I think you are a wonderful mom!! Reading your blog inspires me. :)

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