Lessons learned along the way

Let me just say this first...I love being a mommy.  I do.  It's the most rewarding experience ever, and I'm incredibly thankful that God has given us TWO amazing blessings.

BUT....since having children my insecurity level has skyrocketed!  Before I used to be insecure about my body or my hair or something like that, but nothing makes you more insecure than other mommies who have kids the same age as your own kids.  Why is that?  You hear it all the time that every kid is different and that they learn at their own pace, but why is it when your kid seems to be the one behind you freak out inside.  Am I doing enough?  I'm not spending enough time with them.  I should provide some crafty activity to help my child learn his stinking colors, right?  Why can't he get them...we've been doing colors for FOREVER!!!! And he's 28 months and still not using the potty.  Other kids are already totally potty trained. It must be because I work full time and have a crazy life.  We're never home, maybe that's it.  Okay, that's it!  I'm quitting my job and losing all socialization so that my child will finally learn his colors and pee in that stupid potty!!!!  (Obviously an exaggeration though I will admit to thinking these things)  And don't get me started on the second one.  I'm determined that he will have just as many pictures as Sam and he will be read to and talked to just as much as Sam did...even though I'm running ragged doing potty training business.  And the thoughts go on and on and on.


I know that people blog and post about their children because they're proud of their achievements.  I've even done that a time or two.  But sometimes I feel like it's just a mommy competition.  Almost like a prize that you're a great mom and that you can get your kid to read by age 2 because you're awesome and I'm not.  I'm human.  I'm exhausted.  I teach other people's children all day and when I come home, I want to love on my boys not be teacher to them, too.  Is that wrong?  Maybe.  I don't know.  I love teaching Sam...I just don't want to feel like I'm constantly quizzing and teaching him to make sure he's ABOVE where he needs to be because so and so's kid can do this. 

I'm being brutally honest, because that's how I feel.  There are days when I feel like a great mom.  Sam will say something or do something that is so sweet.  His prayers are about the sweetest things ever. And Nate is already doing things before Sam did, which makes me super proud that he's getting challenged even with a crazy brother running around keeping us busy. But then, I read someone's blog.  Their baby is potty trained and reading paragraphs.  Their 4 month old is already sitting up by themselves.  Maybe I should just blog and refuse to read others blogs, facebook, etc.

Is it just me or is this a "normal" mom struggle???  I'm praying DAILY that God would make me secure in HIM.  Not in my uncool hairstyle or my son who refuses to potty in the awesome potty chair we have for him or my 4 month old whose not sitting up yet or my awesome husband who is doing all our holiday baking while I recuperate from a bum toe.  I've always struggled with being insecure...since childhood.  I thought this would get better but apparently the struggles of a child (if not dealt with) only turn into the struggles of an adult.  And adult sized struggles can really get to you.


So here's to this momma becoming a less media involved, others focused momma and becoming a more God focused, family focused momma.  :)

You'll wake up one day and....

People used to tell me all the time when I was pregnant, "You'll wake up one day and you'll think you've grown over night." (FYI...totally true)  Or after I had Sam they said, "You'll wake up one day and all of a sudden they're grown."  Today that moment happened for me with Sam.  I've always known that time has and will fly by, but it seems like more and more each day the days are going by faster.  Yesterday I was making Sam a pb&j (his favorite) and I asked him to sit on his bottom at the table.  We don't have a booster seat anymore for him and he LOVES being able to climb onto the chair himself.  So I told him to sit down and he just looked at me and said why?  He's NEVER even muttered the word before.  All of a sudden, I realized we were entering a new territory.  So I explained to him that if he didn't sit on his bottom he might fall and hurt himself.  To which he then told me he would cry!  Later that day I was sitting with Nate in my lap and Sam wanted to climb up.  So here I was sitting with BOTH boys in my lap and all of a sudden Nate's little hand touched Sam's arm.  I thought it was so sweet and before I could soak in the moment Sam looked at Nate, removed his hand, and said "No Nate.  Stop."  Where did that come from?  All of a sudden, my little toddler is growing into a little boy and my baby is quickly rolling and scooting into a bigger baby. :(  People told me that with each child you have the time flies by faster.  I'm really starting to believe them!  I'm missing my boys so much right now!  I had planned on hanging out with them over the break but I had to have a minor procedure done to my toe and haven't been able to walk around much.  My mom kept the boys over the weekend and I thought that would be long enough for me to heal, but it wasn't.  So now my sister in law kept them today and my mother in law will keep them tomorrow.  Hopefully that will be long enough for me to get somewhat back to normal.  I miss them so bad!  I'm so thankful that they are both sweet, happy boys.  And I'm so thankful that we haven't had to do a spanking or time out on Sam in I can't remember how long!  Yay!  I'm thanking Jesus for that everyday!  Speaking of thanking Jesus, that's another thing Sam has started doing.  He thanks Jesus at meals and He prays at night now.  Kinda makes me sad, but proud at the same time.  It's always interesting to see who he thanks God for each night.  Nate has started rolling over now (way before Sam did) and it's funny to see him immediately roll over as soon as he lays on his back.  He even rolls over in bed when we put him on his wedge!  He has also started scooting.  I can leave the room and when I come back he's rolled over and scooted somewhere else! The first time he rolled over I was so excited and I ran to Sam and said, "Look!  Nate rolled over!"  Sam just walked over to him and rolled him back onto his back!  I laughed so hard!  Nate is such a happy baby!  He loves to talk and squeal with delight.  Most mornings that's how he wakes us up and talking or rather yelling.  He is such a blessing to this family and I already can't imagine what our little family would be like without him.  I'm extremely blessed by my God and need to stop and thank Him more for what He does for me.  I'm praying that sometime during this busy season you would stop and thank God for what He's done for you.  He's blessed each and every one of us so much.