God Thoughts #2: Insecurity

So a good friend of mine recommended this book months ago and after Jared saw Beth Moore at Catalyst I asked him to pick up her new book, "So Long, Insecurity. You've been a bad friend to us." Now let me go ahead and get this out in the open. There was no revelation reading this book that went like this: "OMG....I think I'm insecure!" No it definately wasn't like that. I've always known I was insecure. The problem is now I'm realizing the EFFECTS of my insecurity.

You see, many years ago there once was a little girl who hated her nose. When I say hated, I really really mean HATED. So much so that she begged her mother for a nose job in elementary school. Her mother told her over and over how beautiful she was and how beautiful her nose was especially. But the enemy kept whispering in the little girls ear..."She has to say that stuff. She's your mom." Even at such a young age, my insecurity was beginning to creep into my life and grow like a bad case of weeds. Have you ever noticed that? Weeds can be gone one day and the next time you look up there's TONS of them again? Ug...so annoying. Just sayin'.

Through high school, the body images only got worse. It went from my nose, to my weight, and then moved into my grades. Would I even make it through college? Then it became the "freshman fifteen". Which then led to the up and down roller coaster of weight. I've always known that I was insecure about my weight, but I'm now realizing that I'm way more insecure about things and that it's damaging my relationships. Here's what I mean....

1. There are some people in my family that I love soooo dearly. But everytime I'm around them, I get WAY insecure. I want them to think I'm beautiful instead of worrying about what My God and Creator thinks of me.

2. Since becoming a Momma, my insecurities have only blown up! Not only am I insecure about what I look like, but now I'm constantly worried about Sam. Am I the "bad guy"? Does he like me? Am I giving him everything he needs? What if he grows up and hates me? Or worse, what if he hates the Lord? The list goes on and on...before long I'm doubting everything about my mothering skills.

3. Not only am I insecure about myself and my mothering skills, but then I project my insecurities onto Jared. I'm insecure about what people think of him. I want everyone to like him and see the things he does that nobody knows about. I'm insecure for the both of us...and that my friend is not good.

So the Lord has been teaching me that my wreckless, insecure, believing every lie the enemy gives me behavior is not just affecting me. It affects everyone I come in contact with. Not only is He teaching me how to be aware of these lies that Satan feeds me, but I'm also learning how to be more proactive with my thoughts, filling my mind and my heart with the things that honor the Lord. I am by no means a master of insecurity, but I feel like I'm on the right track to recognizing these lies and combatting them with what God thinks of me instead.

After this very conversation with a friend of mine, we were talking about the miracle of life. Molecules have to collide at just the right second for a baby to be conceived. That's a miracle. That means that every life was made possible by a perfect God who had a plan of just the right time for those "molecules to collide". If God is so precise with these precious miracles, then that just goes to show how much he loves them. Us. We were at one time one of those molecules that God made collide at just the right time. Such a divine Creator we worship.

More God thoughts to come,

~Elizabeth